Porn and Compromise

I’m about to do something I vowed I would never do: Publish erotica under my legal name.  It terrifies me.  Now some background.

I was pretty young, like ten, when I had this great dream about a handsome prince who was being abused and tortured by his wicked queen mother, and I came to town and tried to rescue him.

I woke up frustrated that the dream had ended before I could rescue the lovely boy.  I started writing the dream down in my diary.  This became my first multi-chapter work. I wrote it for years, and showed it to no one, because even at that tender age, I knew there was something illicit in my desire to describe in ever-increasing depth the torture of this fictional object of my affections.

Slowly, I realized I was writing erotica.  I’d like to say that shocked me, but no, it was a soft epiphany, freeing me to write even more fevered and explicit scenes.  I showed my sister and my best friend the “dirty notebook” in high school, and it became performative, my audience of two goading me on.

I’m not sure what happened to the dirty notebooks, but I hope I was smart enough to dispose of them thoroughly.  No one needs to read teen erotica.

Fast-forward a couple of decades.  After watching the first “Lord of the Rings” movie, I found myself simultaneously fascinated with the muscular thighs of the lead orc actor and irritated with the transparent racism/xenophobia of Tolkien’s decisions in creating the orcs, “half breeds” who “have no culture of their own.” I was miffed.

I started writing a story about orcs. What would it really be like, if a powerful mad scientist created a race of human-alien hybrids to serve as warriors against those same aliens?  What would happen after the war?  After a generation? How would they forge an identity for themselves?  I wrote feverishly.  And then I found myself wanting to put in a sex scene.  Rather a lot.  It didn’t fit in the plot, however.  I started writing a second file– fanfic of my own story.

A year later, the fanfic was longer than the novel. I showed some of it to some of my friends, and they agreed my “orc porn” was hawt.

“Only… could you write something that isn’t male-submissive BDSM? Just once?”

Yeah, seriously… why would I do that?? AHEM. Kinks. They exist. I have them.

Here is the true confession of this blog post: I have gigabytes of sequels to that original fanfic. I’ve written alternate universes of it.  The original novel is being re-written right now and I’ve written EVEN MORE gleeful pornography as I go.  Gigabytes.  Think like 50 novels worth of smut with an audience of one.

So, jokingly, when I suggested serializing a novel on my Curious Fictions site, I offered “questionable smut” as a choice. A choice selected enthusiastically as first in the poll, and two people I KNOW voted that way (they were hardly hiding it) immediately subscribed, putting their money where their vote was.

So now I gotta do it.

I gotta expose the world (or at least a few paying customers) to the filth in my brain.

“OH NO!” I cried, “What if those customers don’t like my particular brand of smut?”

Then, “Oh no! What about some of them not being here for the smut at all?”

And so, dear friends, I am going to offer a compromise.

Every month, on or near the first of the month, I will post a chapter of the second-place novel “Vampires Vs. Maturity” and on or near the 15th of the month, very clearly labelled, I will post a smut chapter.  Subscribers will be free to read both or neither as they wish and I will try to vary up the smut’s, er, focus.

But please, PLEASE people, let me know if I step over the line, or if you need me to change things?  Just DM my twitter account immediately @mareasie and I will stop what I’m doing!  Be my safety net.

And if you are interested in the smut, please offer some further guidance on which filth-novel I should serialize:

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