Blog topic suggested by Maura Yzmore
First, I would not read any books or blog posts about how to write a query letter. I would not fill out worksheets that required me to think of my story as having only one main character and start with “In a world”.
Galactic Hellcats got 46 rejections from publishers and agents, despite literally everyone telling me “female biker gang in outer space rescues gay prince” was a sure-fire winner of an elevator pitch. I’m pretty sure it’s because my query letters were garbage, and they were garbage because I read a lot of books and blog posts about how to write a query letter.
The vast majority of these were centered around a particular TYPE of narrative – one with a single protagonist and a single, external antagonist. And I twisted the story around to make it fit that mold, when it didn’t.
That and my self-doubt lead me to undermining the story’s description. I tied myself in knots making sure I didn’t mislead. “It’s about a biker gang buuut they aren’t really a biker gang and they aren’t bikes they’re spaceships and oh god please don’t hate me for making them FTL. They’re in space buuuut they are on Earth some of the time and it might be Cleveland but I shouldn’t say that. It’s about found family but really not because no one SAYS that, it’s just a picaresque adventure oh please just pick me and write the back cover for me?”
Or something. Just thinking back on what I was thinking at the time I drafted letter after letter.
I have never successfully queried.
The editor who bought Galactic Hellcats asked for it off a tweet. Sorry.
Here is that tweet:
I have like 5 stories outlined that I want to write but yeah, sure, brain, let's completely revise the space biker gang novel again.
— Marie Vibbert (@mareasie) March 4, 2020
So yes, the elevator pitch worked, but even he, on receiving my full manuscript and query letter, said, “This query letter sucks, but I’ll still read it.”
I will say, that query letter had been through two writing workshops and my friend Angus, who gave me the best lines in it.
Here is the query letter that sucked:
Galactic Hellcats is an 80,000 word science fiction novel about a female motorcycle gang in outer space rescuing a gay prince.
Ki is a petty thief. Her best friend leaves her his solo-flyer—call it a space motorcycle: temperamental, fast as hell, and expensive to maintain. Any reasonable person would sell it to get off the street, but Ki isn’t reasonable.
Margot is a military vet at loose ends. She blows her entire back pay on a solo-flyer, a decision she instantly regrets but can’t bring herself to undo. Margot thinks Ki is a sympathetic friend when she needs one the most. Ki thinks Margot is an easy mark for food money. They’re both right, but lunch leads to a jail break leads to space pirates.
If the repo men, cops, and three galactic governments don’t catch them, The Galactic Hellcats just might carve a place for themselves among the stars.
My short fiction has appeared in many top science fiction magazines, including seven times in Analog as well as appearances in F&SF, Asimov’s, Lightspeed, and other venues. The Oxford Culture Review said of one of my stories, “It’s poignant, imaginative, and approaches its subject matter with maturity and deftness. It’s the embodiment of what science fiction should be…”
I’d always been told to write your query like the back cover copy of the book. Now, ironically, this ended up being the back cover copy on the book:
Ki is a petty thief. Her best friend leaves her his solo-flyer—call it a space motorcycle: temperamental, fast as hell, and expensive to maintain. Any reasonable person would sell it to get off the street, but Ki isn’t reasonable.
Margot is a military vet at loose ends. She blows her entire back pay on a solo-flyer, a decision she instantly regrets but can’t bring herself to undo. Margot meets Ki and thinks she is a sympathetic friend she needs when she feels most alone. Ki thinks Margot is an easy mark for food money. They’re both right, but lunch leads to a joy ride to planet Ratana, where Margot is arrested by border control.
Ki enlists Ratanese local Zuleikah, a bored rich girl who can think of no stupider, and therefore better, way to spend her time than busting someone out of jail. Together they rescue Margot, but find themselves trapped on a hostile planet on the cusp of civil war.
When Zuleikah convinces them that their best bed for escape is to kidnap–er, rescue–Prince Thane from his dreary role in the crumbling monarchy, it results in a chase across the desert into the farthest reaches of the universe.
If they can learn to trust each other, and if the repo men, cops, and three galactic governments don’t catch them, The Galactic Hellcats just might use their solo-flyers to carve a place for themselves among the stars.
Yes, I did think to myself, “You said my query sucked and then you used most of it for the back cover copy?” But OK. What did I do wrong?
Well, first, I start with the blandest facts, thinking that the agent will want them (and let’s face it, I felt safest with facts?) I could have moved the “title is a genre novel x words long” sentence to the end and instead lead with the story itself, or my bonafides.
I was very anxious to make my query letter short, and All The Advice said don’t mention more than two characters, so I only introduced two characters, and didn’t even get to the big plot hook. This is a story with four main characters.
I ought to have trusted myself to break that rule and present it as a story with four main characters.
Because I didn’t want to “go into too much detail” on my query, I left out the specifics of how the hellcats get into trouble… which makes a potential agent think I don’t have a plot. I’m just hand-waving. “oo look space pirates!” I mean… the Ship Folk aren’t reaaally space pirates?
My big take-away: Just be honest in your query letters. Tell the story how it is. You don’t want to sell them what you haven’t got, anyway.
Of course, take this advice with the grain of salt that I have yet to write a successful query letter? Three novels – all sold without representation or querying. I am no one’s model for how to do this!
by 
by 
