Volunteering. When I see a call for volunteers, there’s a near physical pain if I don’t answer it. Why is that? Why do I feel like a rude bastard if I don’t agree to do EVERYTHING?
I’m not even just talking about Official Volunteer Positions. I used to jump up and do small tasks for people all the time, in social settings – grabbing a drink, moving a chair – I had to always be the one doing these things. Insecurity? A need to please? It feels the same, the same drive to volunteer, the fear of being seen sitting still, of “not contributing.”
One day, I was injured, and sick, and trying to get up to get a glass of water for my visitor, and she said, exasperated, “Could you let another person have something?”
I immediately remembered a time when I was new to the SCA, and I had signed up for my first ever Volunteer Shift … only to find that an established member had taken it over before I got there because They Always Did That Job. I hung around, trying to ask to help, but kept getting brusquely brushed aside, because they were doing the job and it was easier for them to do it than explain to me.
I remembered how much that hurt, and how I ended up crossing that job off my list of things I could do, how many years later the group suffered because that person couldn’t make it to an event and no one else knew the job.
It’s a different situation … but the same arrogance. Of course I could get a glass of water and play the hostess, but did I have to?
It took physical effort to let other people have a chance. I had to remember that volunteering is a joy, and I was robbing others of that joy. I was being selfish by being selfless.
There’s a real toll, too, to over-committing. Burn out. Not being able to do the job as well as someone with less on their plate. It can be hard to remember that being kind to yourself is also being kind to others. No one is holding a report card, checking to see if you’re doing enough. It’s called volunteering because it is voluntary!
So, if you suffer, as I do, from Helium Hand, remember to Let Someone Else Have Something, and when you absolutely MUST volunteer, if it’s for a position of some complexity, make mentoring and training others a part of that volunteering, every time. You never know when you’ll be the so-and-so who left a role with no one able to do it. If you can’t find a mentee, DOCUMENT. And share that documentation.
That’s also part of sharing the wealth.
