Yes, rather than write yet another year-in-review post for New Years Eve, I’ve decided to give you just the next thing I had on my mind.
I’ve noticed again that people like to write about characters with long, flowing hair, and then they like to ignore the consequences of that hair, as if their character took it off between scenes.
So, speaking from personal experience, here are some things you just can’t do if your hair is hip-length or longer, without tying it up or back.
- Swim — There I was thinking, “I really love to swim but I haven’t braided my hair. How bad could it be? I’ll be moving forward so the hair will trail behind me, right?” Not so much. Hair is light. Being in water makes it float. It goes wherever the hell it wants. Three strokes into a crawl I had my hair bound around my shoulders and upper arms like a damned half-nelson and all ability to propel myself through water ceased in thank-goodness-it-was-shallow abruptness.
- Pick things up from the floor (or even near the floor.) I don’t get things out of the front-loading washing machine with my hair down. I mean, I TRY, but then I’m standing there trying to untangle a sock from in front of my face.
- Get into a bunk bed. My hair wasn’t even as long in college as it is now, and I had to have external assistance to get out of this ill-conceived position. Have you ever knelt on your own hair? It’s not fun. Later I figured out the solution is to tip yourself over on one side – but this requires a bunk bed that’s not as narrow as the ones in the CWRU dorms.
- Use a chair with wheels on it. One wrong scoot and you’re on the floor, having knocked the chair over because unwinding hair from the wheels is the only way you’ll ever move again.
- Archery. Dear sweet Cthulu there are so many, many ways for that to go wrong. TWANG RIP WHACK
- Bicycle. I have gotten my hair caught in the gears, the chain, and the spokes. Yes, this litany shows a particular mix of stubborn and lazy. The absolute worst was and will forever be the time my hair got caught in the brake as I was going down a steep hill, riding the break, and my head was slowly pulled further and further back as I struggled to stop the bike. Come to think of it, the answer to this one was also “tip over on your side.”
- Wear anything with buttons on the back. Even a single button. Frankly, zipper pulls are pushing it. Nothing drops me out of a story like a heroine with long, flowing hair and a gown that buttons up the back. Like … did she cut it off of her? Because you’re never un-buttoning those buttons with hairs wrapped tight in both directions four seconds after she’s in the gown.
I don’t have personal experience swinging a sword or getting on a horse with my hair down, but a lot of that is I was smart enough not to try. I can’t imagine it’s easy to tip a horse over on its side if you need to get off in a hurry.
Now, absolutely free of charge, here are some action descriptions of characters with very long hair doing things they have to do:
Harmeet gathered his hair, folded it once, then twice, and squeezed with both hands before exiting the shower.
Daphne paused at the door. She picked up her braid, drew it over one shoulder, and then wrapped the end once around her forearm. Then she went into the bathroom stall.
Luke tucked the end of his braid into the top elastic before he threw his leg over his motorcycle.
Ha took a step to the side at the top of the stairs. “You go first, darling, my hair’s down. No, you’d have to give me three or four steps ahead at least otherwise.”
If you want more “I had a bad day with my hair so I wrote about it” check out my hair FAQ.
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